Sunday, October 18, 2009

Shifting Prayers

Spirituality is a concept I grapple with. I wasn't raised within a religious household, so superstition is about as close as I come to following a religion or acknowledging some kind of force in the universe.

I tend to be superstitious (don't step on cracks), yet I know that superstition isn't likely to work (most mother backs are unbroken).

I consider performing the superstitious acts (blowing out the birthday candles and making a wish) a method to be more thoughtful or to help put aside concerns temporarily.

I suspect that all of the things that are too complex to know (the future, why are we here) are just lumped together in spirituality. People pray for things to happen because often there are too many variables out of their control. Even billionaires lose elections from time to time.

Years ago, I had spiritual friends who chastised me for not praying. They argued that I needed to say aloud what I wanted to happen.

The process of praying made sense to me, if only as a means of articulating desires clearly. By naming a desired future event, perhaps I would formulate a better plan for achieving it.

That said, instead of articulating a Utopian vision, I usually pray by asking for the tools I need to handle the struggle of life: strength, resolve, and love.

As I requested these things once again last night, I wondered whether my requests had invited the tests I have endured this year.

It is unlikely that the requests in my prayers matter, but perhaps I should pray for something else. Perhaps I should reformulate my prayers into more positive visions of the future. Just in case it does matter.