Monday, October 6, 2008

The Ritual Menace

Today I went to the grocery store to escape paint fumes in my apartment. It was packed at 6pm.

I was blocked in the yogurt aisle for at least 3 minutes. When I say blocked, I mean I was unable to move my cart in any direction. Boxed-in is probably a better term. It was slightly unpleasant and made me a little irritable.

There was a man standing in front of the stacks of yogurt I wanted to buy. He was methodically picking up cups of yogurt, reading their labels aloud, and then mumbling the yogurt's brand name or flavor. Sometimes he put the cup in his cart, sometimes not. He did this for a long time.

He was not a homeless person. He was well dressed and shopping at Whole Foods. He didn't appear to have a disability that would impact his mental faculties -- he read quickly. He was a bit strange and taking a very, very long time to buy yogurt.

Finally, I had to reach across him to get my yogurt. Although I said "excuse me," he seemed startled by my reaching hand.

Later, he was is the check-out line beside me. A good portion of Manhattan was in the front of that line, so I had lots of time with him. I noticed that he was engaged in an Altoid ritual. In regular intervals he pulled a box of Altoids out of his pocket, took one out, and ate it the same way. He periodically picked up things in his basket and mumbled the name on the label. Then, he went back to the Altoids.

I am not an expert on this, but I suppose he has an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Someone that just seemed odd before now seemed really tragic. With all of the rituals he has to perform for every task, it must take three times as long as it should to do anything.

I've been feeling kind of crappy for no good reason really. I'm worried about job security, concerned about paying much higher rent for the new apartment, and apprehensive about the nation's economic tailspin.

It is cliche to see unfortunate souls and recall one's blessings, but the reevaluation is welcome. What I witnessed today made me reconsider my own behavior. His plight struck me as an odd misfortune. Like an ornamental vine that grows out of control and chokes a tree, it would take some time to identify that the repeated rituals were alienating and destructive. Are my routines quirks or potential hazards?

I suppose everyone has their own rituals, but they are minor, relatively short, and may contribute to a time-saving routine. To be regimented can be seen as being disciplined. Getting up at six, going to the gym, eating salad for lunch, and getting to bed by ten every day may be viewed as healthy. Performing religious rituals (kneeling and bowing and making the sign of the cross) is accepted and often encouraged.

For this man, the rituals have encroached on existence. It is as if this common, unnoticed part of life took on a life of its own and took over the controls. It has weighed on my mind because the outcome seems so close to normal but is harmful. There are so many external impediments to getting things done each day, it must be incredibly frustrating to have this needless internal impediment weighing down every other action. It is as if he moves about in wet cement instead of air.