The Obligation

Sometimes too much of what I do seems like an obligation. There are the usual obligations like work and social reciprocation, and there are the daily things that must be done such as washing, brushing, cleaning, paying bills, and preparing food. Somehow meeting obligations takes the bulk of my time.

Getting mail has become a dreaded activity. I used to look forward to getting letters and magazines, but now I get guilt bomb letters from my mother and bills. The bills I expect are fine, it is getting sideswiped with charges I didn't make, fees, and refusal of insurance coverage that is wearing me down. My cell phone bill was sky high last month because I spent hours on the phone trying to sort out these issues I did nothing to create.

The letters from my mother are worse. They usually make me so upset I can't sleep. Then, I am upset, tired, and not thinking properly for days. I should throw her letters away without reading them.

A major cause of my distress is her distorted thinking. She writes things she would never say to me. She implies that she is incapable of surviving on her own and that it is my duty to take care of her. Her arguments are insane; it infuriates me that she is sufficiently devoid of reason to write out her rationalizations and send them to me.

My mother is a 63 years old welfare queen. She enjoys imagining herself in poor health, but aside from being obese, is fine. For reasons I cannot fathom, she is convinced that she is not capable of working. She seems to believe it was her birthright to have others care for her. When she was married, she was a full time wife and mother although she only had one child to look after and the house wasn't exactly spotless.

She is lucky to have gotten a pension of approximately $30,000 a year from my father as part of her divorce settlement. Of course, her view is that she is entitled to more. She is convinced she has been denied what she deserves.

Unfortunately, she was enabled by my grandfather who continuously paid her way when she found herself over her head in debt. Now he is gone, she has squandered her sizable inheritance from him, and she is coming to me with her hand outstretched.

It infuriates me that I worked hard to put myself through college without the help of my family and have scrambled my entire adult life to make a living, and now that I am laid off she has the nerve to send me a six page letter telling me it is my obligation to move back home and take care of her.

I have worked since I was 14 years old. I would be delighted to get a $30,000 check every year for doing nothing. If my grandfather's inheritance had gone to me, it would be earning interest now.

I can't let myself think about what has happened and how stupidly my mother has acted. There is nothing I can do to change her behavior. The past cannot be revisited. It just makes me angry and depressed.

However, her letters thrust her self-created problems on me. It is the ultimate insult that when I am in crisis my mother sees it as an opportunity to get me to abandon my aspirations to do her bidding.

I don't know a way to resolve the problem that is my mother, except through humor. Now I wish I hadn't torn up her letter upon reading it (a fact that would mortify her). In the future I should keep her toxic missives and mine them for their absurdities. Perhaps I could compile them in a book: A Treasury of Letters from the Insane.