The Anomaly

It is difficult for me to remember being 14. My grandmother, who was the primary responsible adult in my life, was diagnosed with brain cancer. Throughout most of my high school years she existed in a vegetative state. It was a complicated and difficult time for me. I was profoundly unhappy.

It is unreasonable, but I tend to transfer my own experience to others. Adolescence is a notoriously difficult time. There are plenty of studies and articles attesting to this. Yet, now that I see my nieces at this age, I realize that my sad adolescence was at the edge of the bell curve. It is comforting to know that my experience isn't typical.

A portion of my weekend was spent with my cousin and her family. We are a year apart and spent about a third of our childhood growing up together. Her children consider me their aunt and I consider them to be nieces and nephews.

My oldest niece is 14. I am relived to see her happy at this age. She is thoughtful, kind, talented, and carefree. Her friends are sweet and her parents encourage her to pursue her interests.

I accompanied my cousin as we drove my niece and her friends to the cinema. The girls were talking about a get together that happened the night before. They discussed their admiration for a boy who attended the event.

First, they praised his appearance.

Then they admired his singing and dancing abilities.

When I overheard that he sang and danced, my interest was piqued. I had a flashback to the drama department of my high school, and began thinking of all of the sweet boys who later emerged from the closet.

Finally, one of the girls declared that the object of their praise was effeminate.

The rest of the girls were confused. The girl explained that it was her vocabulary word that week. She informed the group that effeminate means feminine.

The group agreed that he was feminine, but they liked him anyway.

Attitudes about gender roles have changed. Boys get manicures, use hair product, and pluck their eyebrows. This young man may be a straight male anomaly who likes to dance and sing.

My cousin and her friends belong to a rather conservative Christian church. For example, she no longer lets her children trick-or-treat. I don't know their views on homosexuality, but I can't imagine they are embracing the concept.

It appears that these girls are close to encountering a life lesson.