Knee Apiary

New York had a blizzard three weeks ago. Now summer has arrived. The temperature is in the low 70s. This prompts New Yorkers to wear shorts and tank tops.

My heaviest coat and fur hat are still hanging on the coat rack. All of the sudden I have to confront hair removal for the summer wardrobe.

Other people may accept leg hair on women, but I think it looks ugly and unprofessional.

Razors are off limits due to bleeding risks. Cream depilatories smell awful and don't work very well. However, I can't afford laser therapy, so they are the best option I have.

Since the creams stink and my legs were covered all winter, I let the hair grow. It looked pretty manly below the knee.

I was hoping to avoid leg baring work so soon, but it had to be done if I wanted to shift from corduroy to Capri pants.

I lathered my legs with hair removal cream and waited the maximum length of time allotted before washing it off in the shower. Afterward, there were still unattractive patches of stubborn hair that didn't respond. Experience with these creams last summer led me to expect that result.

What I didn't expect was the intense itch that emerged hours later. This had not happened before.

Both of my knees were red with hives. I didn't have any anti-itch cream in my medicine drawer and it was too late to go to the pharmacy, so I hoped it was a temporary reaction that would go away.

My knees itched all night.

Upon waking I scratched my knees so thoroughly, they tingled and throbbed when I was done. The experience was similar to skin orgasm. Why is scratching an itch so satisfying?

In my superstitious family, two types of itches were associated with particular outcomes. An itchy nose meant someone was coming to visit. When someone had itchy hands it meant they would soon receive money.

I don't recall hearing any sayings about itchy knees.

Since they are covered with hives, I suppose I have bee's knees.

This thought made me smile as I walked to the pharmacy to buy anti-itch cream.