Sympathetic Magic

While recuperating I read Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking." It led me to consider how much I engage in magical thinking. It was surprising to discover I did so many times each day.

As a kid I would attempt to foresee the future by setting up scenarios such as: If I see a blue car on the way home, Mom won't be angry with me for forgetting my permission slip.

I'm ashamed to admit that as an adult I continue these searches for signs of affirmation. For example, if he sends me a text or email within 24 hours, it means he likes me.

Much of this behavior is so ingrained, it has continued without examination. I avoid certain clothes because I associate them with bad experiences. For example, I will probably send to Goodwill the sweater I wore on the day I was laid-off. It is an old sweater I hadn't worn in a couple of years. Yet, I happened to have worn it on that day because it was snowing. Now it is forever tainted.

It's unclear even to myself whether I really believe the sweater is bad luck or whether there is a longer chain of variables that lead me to avoid it from now on. Its strong association with an awful event will significantly diminishes my confidence each time I wear it. When I wear it, it will conjure up a very unpleasant event that is likely to make me glum. That lack of confidence and glum demeanor will have some repercussion, and it will not likely be positive.

I've tried on several occasions to read a classic early anthropology text that outlines many rituals, "The Golden Bough." So far, I have not made it past the first 40 pages. Although I haven't opened the book in at least five years, I recall with clarity a couple of ideas presented in it. There are similarities among rituals; one being the charm of association (i.e. love potions made of the sexual organs of animals).

It appears that I am continuing this tradition by designating items associated with very good events as good and items associated with very bad events as bad.

A while ago I heard a radio program in which a psychologist said the root of superstition was a lack of control over one's environment. His comment made me think about all of the things I do almost daily in an attempt to attract good luck: blow away eyelashes and make a wish or light candles and pray.

I am an intelligent person who understands that these rituals probably have no impact. In spite of my intelligence and talents, I have not enjoyed the income or credentials that would insulate me from the whims of the New York housing or job markets.

I can only interpret my emphasis on superstition as a reflection of my own sense of powerlessness.

It's strange that it has taken such a long time for me to come to this realization. Perhaps I am not as intelligent as I imagine myself to be! Or maybe I have been too distracted by other pursuits to pay attention to this behavior and thinking.

I equate money with power generally. It is ironic that my strong desire to make money has emerged at the very time the worldwide economy has collapsed.

On the one hand, I wonder whether I am overly concerned about the events that impact my life. Am I too sensitive? On the other hand, it is widely recognized that having to move or getting laid-off is a traumatic event.

It is unlikely that the emergence of these situations will wane no matter what ritual I follow to ward them off. There is little I can do to prevent these events from happening. I need to learn how to improve my reaction to them.