An Open Countenance

Now that it is very cold in New York, I take the subway rather than walk the 10 blocks from work to my dance class.

When passengers pry doors open to get on board the subway, the conductor hits the door open or close control button to get people in the car or to shut them out so the train can move. When that button is pushed, all of the doors on the platform side of the train open and close simultaneously.

During rush hour, the doors often open and close many times before we roll out of the station. Usually, they open and close quickly to allow a stuck backpack to get pulled in (nice) or to shut on a hand holding the door so it will let go (harsh).

For the passenger hoping to get in, it can be like a jump rope game. As the jumpers watch the moving rope for the perfect window to jump in, the would-be passenger watches door openings carefully to hop in at the right moment when the doors widen just enough to get the whole body through.

Tonight I sat across from the door and saw a pretty woman in a red coat hop on right before we took off. She was holding several red Macy's shopping bags. A big smile was on her face, which could have been attributed to getting on the train successfully or getting her shopping done.

Her beaming face made me smile. I usually don't smile at strangers. Her happiness was extraordinarily contagious.

She looked at my smiling face and sat down next to me. After checking her bags and arranging them on the floor she turned to me and said "Do you shop at Macy's?"

I told her I did. She told me there was a friends and family sale, and began looking for a special coupon in a wallet bulging with receipts and papers.

I thanked her, and explained that I had already done my holiday shopping. It was very unlikely that I would buy anything at Macy's before the coupon expired. I encouraged her to hold on to her special coupon and give it to someone who would use it.

All of this took place in a ride between 34th and 42nd street stations. It probably took less than three minutes. In the short span of a single stop subway ride, I developed a strong sense of goodwill toward this woman I barely met. I don't think I am a particularly friendly person in general, yet she wanted to reward me with her special perk because I had appeared friendly to her.

New Yorkers are often characterized as cold and uncaring. People outside of the city tend to think New Yorkers don't know their neighbors or talk to one another. Yet, I grew up in the suburbs and can't recall ever interacting with someone in the friendly, easy manner that happened tonight. People in the suburbs usually do not have an opportunity to even sit next to a stranger.

This brief subway experience illuminated several things I already know but seem to ignore. When people see a happy person, the happiness spreads. I should make an effort to be friendlier because it encourages pleasant interactions. There is goodwill in the world, but it requires a modest trigger. Part of having the good in people affirmed involves some vulnerability on my part.

Not smiling at strangers prevents any interaction: negative or positive. To see the good side of people, I have to make myself vulnerable to the bad side too.